I know I haven’t posted in a while, but life has gotten in the way in a big way. Grandma kicked me out, moved back in with mom, a friend passed away, ended powerful friendships and altogether I’ve been learning time management in ways that have been testing me something fierce. But still, I stay strong, I remain strong. I’d be lying though if I ever said I was okay. I am not and I won’t be for a while…
Grandma kicked me out because she said that she felt I treated my friends better than I treated her. This bothers me a great deal because I do my absolute best not to favor one person more than another, this is in spite of the fact that I care more for some than I do others. To me this wasn’t just an insult, but an affront to sensibility. Though it did bring many things to light and challenges I didn’t realize I was facing while living with her. From the way I want to be treated- to the way other people treat their peers and themselves. Its made me introspect a lot, and not always for the better.
Living with grandma taught me a lot though. It was not without it’s extreme benefits as she taught me the value of cooking for myself, for others, how to take care of more than just myself and what it’s like to be independent all the same. Sure I was living with her but by and large I was left to my own devices, expectations aside. I got to live in my own world, co-mingled in others. I got to celebrate myself in ways I’d never done so, and this is despite the lack of privacy and heavy masking I had to do. Things I will miss doing for some time.
And yet- she mistreated my autism, she never engaged my interests and they blamed me for every little thing that went wrong. When all I did was listen to her and do my best. She mistreats people by telling them to “just deal with it” when it disagrees with her idea of what a person should behave like, not considering for anything but her own preconceptions. So in it’s own way, I was grateful she kicked me out and I mostly severed contact with someone like that. She is not healthy for anyone, not even herself and I am glad I had the opportunity to live with her- but it’s time came and went. Like anything in life sometimes we just have to say goodbye… even if it’s family.