Every once in a while, I struggle a lot with a particular problem. This might come off as arrogant but I assure you it isn’t, and that’s my brain isn’t stimulated enough with non-mechanical knowledge. It isn’t stimulated with knowledge that goes beyond simple memorization. I am a bit odd I suppose in that in order to be challenged, I require intellectual stimulation with organic knowledge like problem solving and the like. Unfortunately for me however, this need can cause problems.
Some of my friends may know that if I do not get enough of the right kind of stimulation, I can break down severely. I cry, scream, shake and panic. I am afraid of whenever this happens as nothing seems to be enough, I hunger for knowledge, I thirst for it like some kind of cerebral vampire and if I’m honest? It sucks. Badly. I wind up just shaking and burning myself out from it, seldom few does anything seem to alleviate the episode that results from.
Moments like this make me hate myself, that I possess a skill that nearly everyone would enjoy but few can fathom the consequences of it. It makes me wish I didn’t develop or naturally have the ability to learn as fast as I do, that I didn’t enjoy getting new knowledge, that I didn’t train my brain to never shut off. Coupled with my personality, this results in the near yearly severe episode that this post is about. So, I beg to wonder?
What good is the ability to possess knowledge if it demands more as infinitum? What good is a hunger for new skills of enough is never enough? And when does it end…